http://greasy.com/Entertainment/Humor.htm Featured articles and news topics about jokes and humor. en-us © 19:06:48 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Fri, Aug 19:06:48 8 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/elfie33/happy_friday_countdown_.html We've made it thru another week...thank goodness. I'm by myself today at work...it's quiet for right now...I'm hoping that it stays that way. Guess What!!! All my filing is done...thank heavens for my slave...son. He can on occasion be sweet to his mother..LOL I had to feed him tho...so I don't know how good I came out on this deal. But..It's Friday and I have all my filing done...I'm a happy Lady... Fri, 8 Aug 2008 14:51:51 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/scattered_thoughts.html Snowmen fall from the sky, unassembled ******** How long a minute is, Depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on ******** Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive ********* I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect ******** I love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ********** If life deals you a lemon, Make lemonade. ********** The most precious th ... Fri, 8 Aug 2008 03:02:41 GMT http://greasy.com/blogsterella/suis_malade.html I'm not well and in the hospital. I ate some of what I thought were onions when in fact they were daffodil bulbs. But don't worry! The doctor assured me that I'd be up and blooming by Spring. Just to let y'all know I'm still kickin' Busy doin' stuff in between raindrops that seem incessant. Party on xxx Thu, 7 Aug 2008 18:46:50 GMT http://greasy.com/shesaidwhat/true_detroiter.html My husband and I live in the Metro Detroit area. If you are familiar with the scandal and allegations surrounding the mayor of Detroit, then you will appreciate this joke I just got via email. A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by the Customs Agent at the Tijuana border. 'May I see your identification, please?' asked the agent. 'I'm sorry, b ... Thu, 7 Aug 2008 15:36:32 GMT http://greasy.com/anacoana/funny_stuff_8508.html I posted a long list of one liners already hope there are no repeats, if so please excuse and chuckle anyway. This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about par ... Wed, 6 Aug 2008 22:15:34 GMT http://greasy.com/jennrud/underwear_important.html What can I say... I'm in a goofy mood! (If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead.) Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned l ... Tue, 5 Aug 2008 05:41:22 GMT http://greasy.com/dogsalot/serenity_senility----stupid.html Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'Â Se ... Tue, 5 Aug 2008 04:43:37 GMT http://greasy.com/ekyprogressive/word_context.html Thought this was funny. Of course, when hearing things related to politics, always do two things. One, look it up for yourself! And two, look at the context of the situation and what was said... Free Pictures from DrewpyDraws Mon, 4 Aug 2008 20:18:35 GMT http://greasy.com/bumpedoff/testing_material_john_mccain.html Testing Material for John McCain Ad Sarah Silverman, The Porn Song Mon, 4 Aug 2008 06:27:12 GMT http://greasy.com/jjoohhnn/walmart_or_fix_stupid.html I've never actually been a fan of Wal-Mart. We shop there out of necessity, not choice. In all fairness to Wal-Mart, this idiot could have been working anywhere. But Wal-Mart just adds a nice touch to the story. From email..... Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went: Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?' Customer: 'I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.' Walmart Employee: 'What you want on the cake?' Customer: 'Best Wishes Suz ... Mon, 4 Aug 2008 01:41:14 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/half_baked_humor.html One day a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she said," and you can do anything you want to." So he tied her up and went fishing. ************************* A woman came screeching into the driveway stopped squealing brakes, jumped out and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, " Pack your bags honey, I won the lottery!" The husband was all exited. He asked, "What should I pack, something fo ... Mon, 4 Aug 2008 01:37:25 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/headache_cure.html Our grandson, age 4, complained of a headache. Knowing he loved brownies, I ask if he thought one would make his headache better. He said it would, so I placed one in his little hand. He proceeded immediately to place it not in his mouth, but on his forhead! Sun, 3 Aug 2008 23:30:52 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/oops.html I took my 3 year old granddaughter shopping for a toy. She chose a mylar balloon, and we bought an identical one for her sister, who was in school that day. I cautioned her about holding tightly to the strings so that the balloons wouldn't blow away. As I strapped her in the car seat, sure enough, one of the balloons slipped from her little hand and went sailing off into the air. As she watched it soar away, she said mournfully, "there goes my sister's balloon!" Sun, 3 Aug 2008 23:23:30 GMT http://greasy.com/ekyprogressive/prank_.html Free Pictures from DrewpyDraws Sun, 3 Aug 2008 05:21:34 GMT http://greasy.com/anacoana/jokes_8208.html Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on. Schizophrenia beats being alone. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today. A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well. Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it? All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. . I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. The meek shall inherit th ... Sat, 2 Aug 2008 23:00:31 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/quotable_quote_unknown_author.html I thought this one would give you a laugh if nothing else. Personally I find some truth in it (wink). Have a great Saturday everyone! glitter-graphics.com 'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.' So - if you give her crap, you will ... Sat, 2 Aug 2008 20:35:36 GMT http://greasy.com/donnamarie/silly_start_saturday.html I'm expecting today, Saturday, to be a busy, sweaty, rushing, exhausting day with the two housecleaning jobs to do back-to-back (and one has no air conditioning or fans and it's the larger one), the run I have to make to the post office, the stop to put gas in the car (that will be stressful), the attempt to help monitor business calls on what should be my day off from that job because my boss isn't feeling well, getting to the bank before it closes, and picking Edie up at work on time, wh ... Sat, 2 Aug 2008 14:36:06 GMT http://greasy.com/dogsalot/italian_boys_confessionjoke.html An ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation' Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I canno ... Fri, 1 Aug 2008 22:52:07 GMT http://greasy.com/elfie33/helping_hand.html A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00am by a loud pounding on thedoor. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunken guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain outthere.'Well, you have ... Fri, 1 Aug 2008 17:13:51 GMT http://greasy.com/draco/funny_bumper_sticker_slogans.html Here are some funny slogans I saw on bumper stickers: Stop Repeat Offenders. Quit Re-electing Them. Politicians And Diapers Need Changed For The Same Reason. Bush White House. Home Of The Whopper. Over A Billion Told. Would You Drive Any Better With That Cell Phone Shoved Up Your Butt? I Childproofed My House Yet They Keep Getting In. Prevent In-Breeding. Ban Country Music. (My personal favorite)Jesus Loves You. Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole. Happy Friday. 'nuff said. Fri, 1 Aug 2008 15:31:27 GMT