Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

I read a post by Sunlight and found my tree, the Walnut. I was so glad that she wrote her last paragraph explaining how our environment and experiences often times influence the person that we are to become. Although many of these attributes do apply to me, there are some that I hope have been tempered somewhat by my experiences.

I am a passionate person. I love deeply and seek to please those that I love. Therefore, I would not consider myself a difficult partner. If there is difficulty in my home, it is spawned by the fact that I am so obsessed with cleanliness. I want things neat and orderly, items put in their place, and would so enjoy having a laundry hamper free of dirty items for more than a few hours. This behavior was influenced by my mother, who believed that cleanliness is next to Godliness. If I happened to put a dish away damp. She would take every item out of the cabinet for me to wash and dry again. If my bed was not made to her specifications, she would rip everything from the bed for me to redo and redo until I had it exactly right. She influenced me not to expect so much from my family as she did me.

Since I was never good enough in the eyes of my mother but fell short of her expectations, I have suffered from an inferiority complex. Therefore, I would never describe myself as egotistical or aggressive. I am not the leader, but the peacemaker. Whenever there was friction at school, I was always the mediator, the one seeking to alleviate the anger or distress. I wanted a harmonious environment in my classroom and was careful to build the self esteem of the students. I always told them that my classroom was my home and they were my family. I expected them to treat one another with the same respect that I treated them.

The only area in which I was inflexible and uncompromising was my expectations of myself and the skills that I wanted to instill in my students. I strove to be an excellent teacher and prepare by students for all obstacles that they might encounter. I never wanted them to feel inadequate as I had throughout my lifetime. In choosing a curriculum for my students, I chose stories, essays, and poetry that would teach beauty and tolerance. I wanted them to eliminate the prejudices in their lives created by a narrow environment and to be able to judge a person not by his color, economic condition, or religion but by his character and by the way that he treated others.

I know that we cannot please everyone nor will we be liked by everyone that we  meet, but I hope that I will be remember kindly by most of those that I have touched in some small way.

Comments:

This was a very interesting telling of yourself and I enjoyed reading it very much. Your closing line is what really struck me because, like me, you accept the fact that not all people will like everybody, but everyone should strive for peaceful tolerance and acceptance...I call it decency. As far as being remembered kindly for touching someone in one small way, you have already touched many who already remember the special person you are. I'm one of those people who doesn't have to wait to look back and remember because I already know it.

Wow... my mom was such a perfectionist she never let me do anything. When I married (the first time) I only knew how to cook soft boiled eggs!

comment by artisticgypsy on May 4, 2008 4:24 PM ()

I don't think that our mothers did us a favor, do you?

reply by angiedw on May 5, 2008 10:21 AM ()

Angie, you are an angel! Your first comment explains everything to me. It is amazing to me that such moms exist... mine was so sweet to me. I only remember her being a little irritated at me once. I will never forget that because it was so uncharacteristic. You are a wonder in spite of your mom's influence (maybe because of it).

comment by sunlight on May 3, 2008 8:57 PM ()

Mom was a very hard worker and very active in the church, yet when she became ill, I could count the number of people who came to see her on one hand. She was a hard woman in every aspect of her life.

reply by angiedw on May 5, 2008 10:25 AM ()

Angie. I could have been the one writing this. My mother was exactly like yours. I too could never please her, which led to an inferiority complex that I have fought my entire life. I swore I would never be that hard on my family just as you did. I too always set high expectations for myself as a teacher.

comment by redimpala on May 3, 2008 3:09 PM ()

My way of overcompensating for that little girl inside me who was never quite able to measure up to her mother's expectations. I have spent my entire life excelling in other areas to overcome that feeling of insecurity inside me.

reply by redimpala on May 6, 2008 12:23 PM ()

This is amazing. You also commented how much we had in common in the marriage department--this is almost unreal that we have had no much in common. I would never have guessed that you have suffered from an inferiority complex, for you always seem so self assured.

reply by angiedw on May 5, 2008 10:28 AM ()

comment by troutbend on May 3, 2008 11:40 AM ()

Super! Faithfulness is a wonderful attribute. I wish that mine had been a little more complimentary!. You are your own person in spite of the critical nature of your mom. I wish that I had been stronger.

reply by angiedw on May 5, 2008 10:31 AM ()

comment by ocean1 on May 3, 2008 8:41 AM ()

I'm sorry but your comment is above you.

reply by angiedw on May 3, 2008 8:44 AM ()

That is interesting stuff. It's so true how certain life experiences can alter characteristics that we might've otherwise been prone to. That's unbelievable about your mother's super high expectations of you! Hmm... now I'm curious to see what my tree is...

comment by mellowdee on May 3, 2008 8:07 AM ()

I hope that you post on yours. I would be very interested in reading what you would have to say.My mom was a very hard person to live with. She was also a Walnut tree and perhaps described her better.

reply by angiedw on May 3, 2008 8:42 AM ()