An old friend that I hadn't seen in months came to see me at work today. What is it with all the people I have counted out showing back up this week? Is it an astrology thing? I am a cancer...think that has something to do with it?

T called today. I was pretty busy- but he asked me to come see him Sat. I told him no. Trust me, every fiber of my being wants to go see him...but I know that I can't. If we are going to talk at all...it is going to be baby steps...and my pace. If he can't do that...well, then I guess he needs to go on like he was. I will not let him hurt me again. I know that my heart would never make it through that again. But I still love him so much...

Everything DOES happen for a reason...so I guess I just need to be patient.

I feel confidant though. I am not the same weak person that I was. I have gotten stronger, and I know what I feel like I deserve. If I can't have it my way...at least the way that I know to be right, then I don't need it. The friends that I have confided in about this have all been super supportive. They say they can see the positive changes in me. They also say that there could be hope for me and T one day...but it cannot be rushed. It would be like starting over. As long as he has something to offer me, other than needing me to help run his life. I refuse to do that for a man ever again. He has a lot to prove...

I saw R today. He stopped by the store for a few minutes. Of course, that was at about the same time that everyone needed me for something. The rest of the day I sat around outside. Ironic. We talked for a minute, and then he said he had a lot of things to do...but he would call me about 6 -6:30. I didn't end up leaving work until 6:20...but he hadn't called by the time I got home. My brother had gone away for the night...and my parents wanted the house to themselves for a little while. I told myself that I would not sit around and wait on him to call. I gave him until7 and then I went to L's house. We went and ate mexican...and watched some TV. When I came home, dad was in bed and mom was watching TV. Exciting evening you reckon? *smiles* So, I guess he never called. He said something about having to go back tomorrow...so...who knows. I don't think he really has the room for a relationship, and by not picking up his cell and calling me tonight...well, that was kind of rude. Don't tell me you will call and then don't... MEN! I swear...

I am off all weekend, and hopefully I will have some kind of plans to take my mind off the fact that T is off, and I could go see him. god I want to...
but then I remember the heart ache...and it helps me back off...until I see something...