I blogged my heart out last night...it was really long...and then I noticed the neat spell check feature at the bottom. Something went wrong...pop-up blocker I think, and it erased everything! That is the second or third time I have done that...I was so mad...

So the nutshell version of yesterday- I am stuck one more week at my job, and then I start my new one (more money, less responsibilty, same shit...benefits, vacation...)

T did well in court and he has a month to pay it off. On top of that- he has made almost all of my car payment back, and has to then make money to take the bloodborne pathogens class so he can go tattoo on the beach for the seasons. That is a lot of money for him to raise. I just hope he keeps his priorities straight, or he will be sitting in jail. I can't help him with this. The people from the tattoo shop called him last week. Incredibly mixed emotions for me on this...not really in the sharing mood with those at the moment... I miss him now though. I will see him tomorrow afternoon, when he gets off work. Things are going well...but where I am not sure. I still love him, but the trust thing is still definately an issue. It's kinda scary, but I know that I am choosing this. I guess we shall see. The dreams are still really really bad. During the day, I don't really think too much about it (ok a little). First thing in the morning...*deep sigh* . They are horrible- those feelings of rejection and embarassment, and that awful broken hearted feeling....I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I wish it would stop. I have been having them for months now...and T and I have only been talking for about 2... so I have them whether he is around or not. Hell I had one when he was spooned up behind me asleep in Florida....ok new subject.

I have been looking into going to college in the fall for a degree in accounting. I need to do something. I graduated high school 6 years ago! I am one of those people who wanted to take a year off and woke up 6 years later. Retail and the real world have sucked me in....AHHH!! Financially, I haven't quite figured out how it will be possible but...we are going to fill out my FAFSA this week. *knocks on wood* I need to do something for me. Especially if T is going away for 6+ months. I can't just sit here. I need a life still...the one I have isn't going that well, and only I can change it.

*sigh*
I am lonely...and my head is full....I guess that is what these things are for anyways...