The meeting went well with the counselor. I told her about the bipolar. She said that she doesn't like to jump to something like that and she has only met with Kota one time. She did say he is very charming, intelligent and has a great imagination. I described to her one of his meltdowns. And I told her I have tried everything, talking calmly to him, sending him to his room. But nothing works. She did give me some ideas. She said the problem is that up to now I have fixed all the problems for kota. So when he is around other people, teachers they don't know kota as well as me so they can't fix it. What we need to do is help kota to deal with different situations and not to have a meltdown. She says what she sees is that he is not good in social situations, as in with other kids his age. So we are both going to work on helping him with that. She did say that after he has a meltdown, let him calm all the way down. Then talk to him about it by asking him questions. She did say that I should not let this situation make me feel as though I am a bad parent. She explained it this way. All kids develop at different rates. Like when he first laughed, when he took his first step, when he said his first word. In all of those areas kota was ahead of the game. He is doing very well academically. It is just his development has not progressed as fast in the social area. Once she said that I let out a big sigh. It just really clicked with me. I have been feeling that it was my fault, that I have done something wrong to cause all of this. Ok, yes I do too much for kota and the counselor lectured me about that. lol I am a control freak. So I also have to retrain myself. Small steps is the way to go.

I do feel better but it was just emotionally draining. Talking about all the bad things and also admitting to her the things I know I am doing wrong. She is a great counselor and she never makes me feel bad about myself or my parenting skills. Some of her other suggestions were play dates with kids kota's age. Summer camp, not the kind where he is gone for a couple weeks, but day camps. I would love to do that but I don't think we can afford it on top of the karate. She did say the karate would also be good for him.

So right now my thoughts are going a mile a minute in my head. Tomorrow I will sit down and write out a game plan. different activites that kota should do on his own. Like picking out his own clothes for school, picking up after himself more, etc. My nerves are a little shot, as kota was not cooperating with me this afternoon and it was almost me who had the meltdown.

Next week kota meets with the counselor again. My insurance will pay for 20 sessions so she is going to make sure we save some for the end of the summer to get him ready for the next school year.

Comments:

Mary, that sounds truly encouraging. Now you have some solutions to focus on. Keep up the fabulous parenting.

well things are looking up there.
You have enough comments on this.So will pass and just go
along with the flow.It is going to work out.

Every now and then we all need a little therapy! Good luck with it..

Sounds like things are really moving in the right direction. I'm so happy that you and Kota are getting the guidance you need.Too bad parenting doesn't come with a manual, eh?

comment by janetk on May 14, 2008 6:19 AM ()

boy you got that right! I could sure use an instruction manual. but i feel so much better today! things are looking brighter and there is hope on the horizon.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:42 AM ()

sounds like you have found a therapist who's on the ball. one step at a time is definitely the way to go. don't ever doubt that you are a terrific mother. otherwise you wouldn't go through all this angst. Kota will do just fine. he has wonderful inner qualities and a good family to support him.

reguards
yer wish I had a family like yers when I was growing up pal
bugg

comment by honeybugg on May 14, 2008 4:40 AM ()

thanks honeybugg! your encouragement means the world to me. Today for the first time I am looking forward to day!

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:43 AM ()

Take it step by step Mare. It will come together.

comment by texastar on May 13, 2008 11:30 PM ()

Good!!

reply by texastar on May 14, 2008 3:46 PM ()

I feel so much better about all this today. I had time to process what the counselor said and I talked to hubby about it.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:55 AM ()

Mary, I've known you online for over a year, right? I think it's been that long. In my opinion (for what it is worth) you are a great mom. You are attentive, caring, patient, understanding etc. We all, as mothers, go through stages and one of them is when to begin cutting the apron strings. It's not major, but rather in baby steps. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing a great job. The change will happen as you go day to day with your new game plan. Have faith in yourself! You're doing a great job.

comment by hopefields on May 13, 2008 10:27 PM ()

thank you so much Kelli! that is the one area I have major problems, letting go. I really need to work on that for myself as well as kota. I am just glad I have so many people interested in helping kota. his teacher, the asst principal, the counselor. it makes it easier on me.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:57 AM ()

comment by lunarhunk on May 13, 2008 10:15 PM ()

i am a very emotional person anyway, and this was just so hard for me. but today I feel so much better. I am working on my game plan today!

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:58 AM ()

hugs, I know how emotionally draining that must have been...and the guilt (we always blame ourselves for everything)

comment by firststarisee on May 13, 2008 8:39 PM ()

we are like two peas in a pod, and I think our sons are too. just wish we lived near each other, maybe the boys could help each other out.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 7:59 AM ()

Wishing the very best!

comment by strider333 on May 13, 2008 7:44 PM ()

thank you strider!

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 8:00 AM ()

Sounds good Mare, I'd take all 20 sessions! I'm glad you found the right counselor~ it's a bittersweet thing, looking at the present and past with a new person...I'd be open to the input, what mom wouldn't.

comment by cindy on May 13, 2008 7:34 PM ()

that is how I feel too cindy. although it is difficult to admit our own mistakes, I knew I had to fess up in order for the counselor to do her job. we are going to use all 20 sessions, she just wants to save a couple for the end of summer so we can make sure kota is on track for going back to school.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 8:02 AM ()

I don't think picking out clothes is controlling, is it? My mom did that for me for long time... I think kids Kota's age still need lots of help.
I am glad the meeting went well!

comment by kristilyn3 on May 13, 2008 7:26 PM ()

i think I do pretty much everything for kota. even when I ask him to do something and he doesn't, I go ahead and do it for him. but I think thats how my mom was with me.

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 8:03 AM ()

Sounds like you've found a great counselor.

comment by nittineedles on May 13, 2008 7:15 PM ()

I think we have, she is so easy to talk to. and that kota likes her makes it that much better!

reply by elkhound on May 14, 2008 5:00 AM ()

Take a deep breath--sit down--set up a plan--change doesn't come over night and you have to give Kota a little more responsibility (like picking out his clothes) one at a time--don't start overwhelming him with changes--and what would be so bad for him to see his mother have a 'melt down' and lose a little control??? (Oh, that's right--moms aren't suppose to do that!!!)

comment by greatmartin on May 13, 2008 6:21 PM ()

oh he has seen me have a meltdown. I am going to make up a list of things he can do and then just pick one for him to work on. once he has that mastered then I will add another. thanks martin, you always make me smile.

reply by elkhound on May 13, 2008 6:31 PM ()