]> http://greasy.com/firststarisee/index.html firststarisee's Blog en-us © 2008 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:29:17 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/firststarisee/things_love.html (tx Brian for the great idea! It's important to remind ourselves of our positive attributes. Too often I use my blog to vent and therefore talk about all my bad qualities) 1. I do not judge others. 2. I get along with kids. 3. I love animals. 4. I work hard to fulfill my promises. 5. I am not obsessed with material things. I mean money is important and has it's place but I'm not driven by things, things and more things! 6. I'm generous with what I do have. 7. I love God and Jesus and am wo ... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:50:23 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/forgiveness.html I know God wants us to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. I know that I can't make someone forgive me. I know that apologizing only means I take responsibitity for my part. Today I have written to everyone who feels I have somehow hurt or wronged them and I have asked for forgiveness. Now I need to wait and see what they do with it. Nine Steps to Forgiveness Frederic Luskin, Ph.D. 1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK ... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:16:26 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/1216902103.html glitter-graphics.com First Name: Gwendolyn Middle Name: Mary Nicknames: Hon, Mom, Ragu, Goose, Mary Birthday: 10/16 Age: 34 Eye Color: blue Hair Color: light brown Zodiac Sign: libra Piercings: ears Current location: South Glens Falls Relationships Are You In A Relationship? yes If Yes, What's His/Her Name? George Do You Love Him/Her? very much How Long Have You Been Dating? a few months, but feels like I've known him forever Do You Believe In True Love? yes I do Do You Believe In Love At ... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:21:43 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/rainy_day_2.html glitter-graphics.com Rain on the tin roof made for a good night's sleep but the flash flooding was enough to cancel the first day of the horse races at the Saratoga Race Track. More importantly for me personally is the likelihood that it will yet again postpone our building project inside the house. Inside my home, life is a dream. It's hard to believe that this is really "my life" I'm living. Being "in love" is so amazing and I can't believe I had mistaken love now that I really know what ... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:46:38 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/summer_school_stinks.html Man! not only do I have to fight with Kev all year long about going to school in the morning, now I have to do it all Summer too! (Grrrr) And it's not like I can say "It's your fault, next year keep your grades up!" because he's 8 and he really did do remarkable last year. He's just still not up to the level of his peers so he needs to work even harder. His asthma and allergies are bothering him a bit this morning and he's tired, but I know he should go to school. I tried the usual "It's W ... Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:01:39 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/yesterday_today_tomorrow.html We have 3 new fish now! Two beautiful Betas brought by G and Kev got a new goldfish today. Pauly (my small pug) hasn't acted right since last night, but he's eating and everything. It could just be the heat and humidity maybe. Tomorrow the construction will begin tomorrow morning hopefully! If we're lucky, it may be done (except for painting) by the weekend! I tried to get Kev back to Tae Kwon Do today and the center even called for him. First he says he was scared to go back (due to lots ... Wed, 23 Jul 2008 01:09:38 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/things_want_blog_about_yet.html This has been quite a day. It went from the happiest morning of my life so far to a totally "Debbie Downer" sort of day. The things I want to blog about, but can't (yet) 1. judgemental people 2. ignorant people that can't see past appearances. 3. honesty (even if you know it will hurt the person you need to tell) 4. people who say they want me to be happy yet seem to bring me down whenever I reach that point. 5. people who can't accept me for me. 6. family members turning their backs on ot ... Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:55:07 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/years_.html If I went to a psychic last year (or even a few months ago) and she would've told me what my life would be like, as it is right now, I would've thought she was full of crap! (lol) I would have *known* without ever another doubt that all psychics were fake! But I would have been wrong...happily wrong (grin). So what would she have possibly said that would have been so "off": 1. Even though you're so not a morning person and even during the school year you barely drag yourself out of bed by ... Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:04:12 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/gotta_spill_badness_goodness.html Okay I actually started writing a happy, uplifting post. But then all these negative thoughts keep invading my heart and mind. Yes, they're caused by the words of another and I may need to revisit #1 from yesterday's blog that tells me I need to believe and accept that "Not everyone is going to like me." I've lived too long for the happiness of others (namely my soon to be ex)and I refuse to do it any longer. This is about G moving in of course. I know I can't expect him to be happy, but I ... Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:02:19 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/baggage.html Throughout life we compile a lot of baggage. Not just material goodies like I love to collect but take up a lot of room and cause clutter, but emotional baggage. Leaving a relationship doesn't mean you lose the baggage. You may lose a few knick knacks, extra boxes and doo dads but getting rid of the garbage isn't that easy. Accepting that I have baggage and working on unloading it is the best thing I can do to ensure future success of my new relationship. It also will help me like myself f ... Sun, 20 Jul 2008 22:37:53 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/quick_update_gram.html When Gram went for her follow up on the surgery she had on her hand where they found Cancer, it wasn't as good of news as we hoped. The doctors are talking about possibly having to go in and remove part of the bone in her hand. She is obviously very scared and is crying a lot. She's already survived a complete mastectomy 10 years ago due to breast Cancer. Please add her to your prayers if you can. I know there are a lot of us in this small community dealing with many things that are in nee ... Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:06:37 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/getting_adjustments_old_mind.html One of the problems I had in my past relationship is mistaking every argument to mean the possible end. It wasn't that I changed my feelings from the argument, but it was that I assumed he didn't want to be with me anymore (or that he didn't love me anymore, didn't want to please me etc.) I'm finding this is an issue I still have. Things with G and I have been so near perfect that I've never had a single sad moment with him...until recently. Now don't get me wrong, nothing has been a big d ... Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:59:48 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/time.html There is a time for everything, right? And there's also a right time, follow me? But not everyone's time line is the same, agreed? I dated my ex for four years, was engaged to him for another four while I finished college and then we married. We bought a house right away. Exactly one year later we had a baby and four years after, we had another baby. To me this is textbook "the way it's supposed to be". It's how my Mom and Dad's relationship evolved and for whatever other reasons, it's how ... Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:05:27 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/love_3.html "Take me as I am" "Love me for me" "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." All these are words that I've lived by (at least in my own mind) for quite a while now. I knew that my previous relationship was not one which any of these quotes applied to and I knew that this is something I desperately wanted and needed for the next relationship I decided to pursue. From the beginning, G picked up on this theme of quotes that seemed to appear on every e-mail and hom ... Fri, 18 Jul 2008 10:06:19 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/morning_thoughts.html It's 5:20 and G just left. I miss him already but I'm glad the kids went to their Dad's and we got to sneak an alone night in before I went away with Sis today. Last night at 9:20 (oddly enough) my Mom called to tell me to be sure to call Gram today. She didn't tell me that she was having surgery on her finger yesterday but then she springs on me that they did surgery and it was Cancer. If you can, please say a prayer for my Gram. She is a Breast Cancer survivor and been on anti-cancer med ... Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:40:10 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/need_pack.html I slept kinda late today. Kev didn't end up going to school. When I woke him at regular time he said his stomach still hurt. He's been fine though so I think it was just the weekend let down or something minor bothering him. I cleaned out the shed today to make room for my water cooler and tread mill I'm not using anymore as I begin to make room for the construction that will soon happen. I also cleaned out my closet. I have two big, black bags to donate. I will be leaving to bring the kid ... Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:19:19 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/lots_emotion_.html I've been full of emotion the past week or so. I have to say that the depression had lifted both Saturday and Sunday, however I experienced a full range of feelings over the weekend from one extreme to the other. I know I need to somehow sit and think about what all this means and I need to rethink my reactions to certain triggers and figure out what I do with all of this! Boy I'm even more confused after writing and reading that sentence. I've felt happy, energetic, loved, angry, sad, sca ... Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:50:21 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/pure_boredness_survey.html Pure Boredness TAKE THIS SURVEY! Take this survey What was your first car? my Gram's old car-can't think of what it was called LOL What magazines do you read regularly? Cosmo :) What color are your sheets? white today What is one quirky, slightly weird thing about yourself? just one?? I sometimes count my steps and break the numbers up in syllables!! Does money mean every thing? absolutely not Would you be ok with having step kids? absolutely What cologne/perfume do you usually wear? Liz C ... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:45:04 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/sleep_.html Usually even when I don't sleep at home by myself, I sleep when I'm with G. But last night I stayed with G and didn't sleep. I don't know why. I just didn't. I was going to leave his house to come home and meet Rissa at 7:30 but instead I was home walking the dogs by 5:30. Oh well, they'll be plenty of time for sleep later! It's the weekend and I'm on Summer vacation. My sister and I are planning on going away for the night next Tuesday. It's her 30th birthday. It's so hard to believe that ... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:22:29 GMT http://greasy.com/firststarisee/hold_long.html This morning I didn't plan on going back to bed after I got my son on the bus, but I did. And unfortunately I slept through the time I was supposed to go to my doctor appt. Now I will have to reschedule which is a big deal for me. I hate making phone calls, especially in a down state of mind and especially when I goofed up and didn't make the appointment. Eventually I headed out to do some errands only to find that the one place I really needed to go wasn't open until 11 a.m. I spontaneous ... Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:35:05 GMT