http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/index.html frogfenatic's Blog en-us © 2008 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:43:40 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/day_life.html Oh my how my life has changed. My days of leisure have sure disappeared. Since getting the kids back for the week we have really worked hard. I have a lot of respect for Aaron who tackled this last week. Evan has to have his blood sugar checked 5 times a day and one of those times is at 2 am. This luckily has gone smoothly the last 2 days... knock on wood. I set my alarm for 2 check his blood and if it is good, I go back to sleep until alarm 2 goes of at 6. I'm up and straight to the kitch ... Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:43:15 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/overload.html My brain is fried, my body aches and my heart is heavy with worry. So many of you have wondered where I have been and I thank you for your kindness and concern. It really means a lot to me. I have been gone (which is not like me) because my son was sick. It started about a week ago. He was wetting the bed a lot, lost 8 pounds in a week and a half, and would drink and eat all of the time. He went to walk the neighborhood beagle on Friday and the dog was too strong for him. My Aunt, who is a ... Tue, 8 Jul 2008 06:38:31 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/tears.html I have done a lot of crying the last few days. I received a Dear Tanya letter from my ex. It was difficult to read that he has really moved on and no longer has feelings for me. That slim chance, that miracle is now gone. That hope that my kids could have their dream and we could make it work. Poof, gone. It is amazing how seeing something in black and white makes something reality. I have been doing a lot of thinking and know it is just time to move on but it is so hard. I can see so much ... Thu, 3 Jul 2008 06:55:25 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/firsts.html This was a week of a lot of 'firsts' for me. The most important being that my kids were at their Dad's for the first time for a whole week. I'm so glad we didn't do 2 weeks at a time. That would be sooooooooooooo incredibly hard on me. I made it! It hasn't been easy but I have been busy. Monday evening I was able to attend my swim aerobics class. It was great to be back. Everyone missed me and I missed them and the water was so refreshing. I will need to work back up to my cardiovascular t ... Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:19:36 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/best_laid_plans.html Every year, for as long as I can remember we go camping for my birthday to a beautiful place called Clear Lake. It is a volcanically made lake that is surrounded by lava rock. Motors from boats are prohibited which keeps the lake so amazingly clear. We just love it there and really look forward to the trip. Every year the kids will make me a birthday something in Grandmas camper oven and they will often hide my presents in the woods for me to find. This year we scheduled our annual event f ... Wed, 25 Jun 2008 06:36:23 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/good_riddance_monday__wait.html This morning should have been a warning to crawl back into bed! Damn it that I didn't think about it. Two good things though... I found the ring that Aaron gave me and I was able to make it to swimming and boy did I need to blow off this crappy day! I finally pulled myself together enough to go to work. I had to laugh because I wanted to call in but didn't because I knew my co worker was gone. I get to work and there is an email telling everyone that I was out today. Maybe I should have li ... Tue, 24 Jun 2008 04:48:46 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/gone.html I had a dream about my husband last night and wanted to be close to him today. The reality of this divorce is really getting to me. Arbitration is on July 3rd and we are so close to agreeing. I really don't know if I am ready for my marriage to end. It is so difficult. My dream was very vague and I don't remember except I know it was Aaron. Probably stemmed from the fact that the body pillow I sleep with reminds me of my husband. I feel more secure with it there, like Aaron used to do for ... Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:15:05 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/50_things__thanks_nittingneedles.html If you opened this, copy and paste to a new page. Then change the answers to your own, and send it to your friends! Learn 50 things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you! 1. What do you add to your coffee? Nada... the blacker the better! 2. What are you reading now? "Boundaries," "The Husband" by Dean Koontz and "You can heal your life" by Louise L Hay 3. Do you own a gun? no, should I? 4. Are you registered to vote? DO you vote? You bet! I have no room to complain if ... Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:25:17 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/empty_nest.html My children just left to go with their Dad for the week. I started crying like a baby the second they closed the door. My daughter was late getting back from her camping trip and I only got to see her about 15 or 20 minutes. Long enough to pick her up, unload her stuff and send her on her way again. It just broke my heart. I went to get her from the girl scout hut and she immediately broke into tears because she missed me so much. I wanted to cry but held it together. I missed her so much ... Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:50:35 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/loves_me.html The day was perfect. Spontaneity has a way of putting excitement into an otherwise boring day. We were both eager with anticipation. What would the night bring? Our destination was only about an hour away. As we drove, we listened to music and talked about all the things we wanted to do. Planning together was so fun. Once we arrived, we worked so well together it was amazing! He was so eager to help me. He carried wood, started the fire, helped pitch the tent. So many wonderful things. We ... Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:18:27 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/understanding.html I feel like I have blogged about this before and I probably have but my husband asked me a few days ago what I talked about with Chris and it made me think. We don't talk often but we do talk. Some about his cancer that is in remission. A lot about corruption. He hates corruption. We also talk a lot about his son. The question my husband asked also made me realize that Knowledge comes from strange places Today reminded me of what I have learned from Christopher. I never could imagine that ... Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:09:51 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/growth.html Friday night... I had a great time. I came home from work, kicked off my shoes, cranked up the tunes and cleaned my house. It felt so good to be alone and comfortable doing it.. even though it was only for 2 hours. That isn't a lot of time but it is improvement. Yay me! My friend Tina dropped by with clothes for my little man and after talking we decided to hang out for a while. We ended up... guess what... going to a bar. Surprise surprise... except this time it was different. This time I ... Wed, 18 Jun 2008 05:25:58 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/comfortably_awkward.html Is it possible to be comfortably awkward? I know it's an oxymoron but that is how I felt. My husband and I have friends that are here visitng from North Carolina. We haven't seen them in 7 years. We of course wanted to see them and since time is limited for them we were both invited to a bbq at their families home to welcome them back. I wanted to see them so I decided to go. It was so difficult to watch him play with the kids but comfortable too. It was like nothing was wrong yet it is. I ... Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:43:46 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/land_doldrums_4-days_ago.html Yes.. I am having another one of those days. This divorce becomes more real every day. Today I had mediation for custody of the kids. That is one area I don't think we will have too much to disagree about. He is a great Dad. I am so happy with the growth in him. He is able to show emotions and laugh with the kids so much more. I think the past year and all his loss really put things into perspective for him. I'm just sorry I won't be around to see this new side of him. I actually will see ... Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:42:06 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/fooling.html Here I am again fooling myself. I say I don't have feelings for this person or that. (D'man and my husband) I say I am strong and doing ok. I honestly have no clue where I am in this process of life. I am confused... scared... hopeful... proud... stong...weak...happy...sad... and the list goes on. I want so desperately to be loved but don't love myself. I'm a walking contradiction. I want the attention of men more than I want to respect myself. I would rather be with someone for companions ... Thu, 12 Jun 2008 04:48:22 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/blah.html Today was just one of those days that are just BLAH! Work was Blah, I still have a bit of a stomach ache and feel blah, television shows are all blah. The weather is blah. Not sunny but not rainy either. My daughter is sick and feels blah. Today is one of those days I would love a hug. I would love to come home to my man, have him wrap his arms around me and hold me tight. Today is one of those days I would love to cuddle up on the couch with my man and just hold one another. I'm so glad I ... Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:49:28 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/buttons.html For any of you that don't know, I subscribe to dailyom.com. Each morning I awaken to some wonderful optimistic reminder of some worthwhile thing. Some are more poignant than others but one of the recent posts really made me think. The gist of the article was that when we are bothered by something someone said, whether it be a friend or stranger, it is likely to be a pain for us from the past. I began thinking about the times that I am bothered or hurt by something someone says and realized ... Thu, 5 Jun 2008 06:43:07 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/kudos_crap.html First the Kudos! I was so excited. I am finally doing good things at work instead of messing up! Yay!!!! have received two compliments from 2 different managers so I'm very happy. The first manager complimented me on my policy writing. I have barely been there a month and was asked to write a policy and procedure for my job. I had no clue what I was doing but did it anyway and she said I did a great job. The second Kudos came from my new manager. I was asked to compile a serious of questio ... Wed, 4 Jun 2008 05:15:04 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/heart_heart.html I love my kids so much! A little back up before I start. Remember speedo man? I don't remember if I blogged about this or not but one night he dropped by some massage cream and I offered him a bowl of stew. He stayed we chatted and my daughter was a bit concerned. Not much was said to me but she did tell her Dad. Dad told me and now... jump forward to today. Christopher ended up falling asleep on my floor Sat. night and Haley came home at midnight from her slumber party because she had a s ... Mon, 2 Jun 2008 00:54:57 GMT http://greasy.com/frogfenatic/greying_quickly.html Oh my... kids can sure turn you Grey and fast! My kids and I decided to go sing karaoke at a pizza place with some friends of ours. Sounded fun, not too expensive and something different. So, my friend Christopher, and the kids and I took off to the pizza place. We arrive and are having a great time. My ex uncle is in town visiting so he stops by and my daughter decided to sing. I was so proud of her. She likes to sing but people (yes including myself) have joked with her about the fact th ... Mon, 2 Jun 2008 00:28:23 GMT