Mr. Wife Beater went off again a couple of days ago. I think he's in a serious meltdown. He and his wife fought Saturday. She refused to accompany him to the brick yard to help him make bricks, an arduous task that no woman should have to undertake for any reason. She had a lot of housework to do and chose not to go. He went crazy. He kick his son, hit her and destroyed a 150 dollar sewing machine her mother had brought her from the United States. He insisted that she produce 40,000 pesos to pay for his part of the house so that he could go somewhere else. He's threatening a divorce and continues to compare her to other women he thinks are so much prettier. He even told a cousin, in her presence, that he wished she would just go away. She came to church Saturday evening regardless. She was scared.

Evidently, after church he showed up at his sister's house where she and her children were eating supper along with other members of the extended family. He started yelling and threatening a divorce again. His brothers and sisters and even his in-laws tried to calm him down. They ended up calling his father, which in this culture is an effort of last resort in matrimonial affairs. His father didn't rebuke him as sternly as she thought he should have. They soon went home and I suppose the fighting continued.

He called me Sunday morning to tell me that none of them would be at church because they had had some "little problems" and there wasn't any use in coming to church "to waste time." I sent him a text message telling him to at least send his children with his brother-in-law. Shortly, his wife and children appeared on the front step. She had decided to come anyway. He threatened to come to church and make a scene. He never showed.

She wants to keep her marriage together. I can understand that. However, I told her that for her and her children's safety, she might have to leave him for a period of time.

Honestly, I have no idea what it would be like to live under those circumstances. Our home was far from perfect, but my father NEVER struck my mother and NEVER destroyed property in a fit of rage. Furthermore, the word "divorce" was never even an option. As children, my brothers and I knew that and it was a great source of comfort even when things weren't going so well.

This man is in a total breakdown. I wonder if there is something I can do to help him?

Comments:

I can only shake my head for the sadness of the situation and wish there was a way I could fix it.

IF this man does this in public, he is a serious danger, in most cases..he could kill...

comment by susil on May 14, 2008 11:40 AM ()

reply by justmyopinion on May 14, 2008 3:36 PM ()

I don't know where it is that you are, but for me...I'm not a 'pro-divorce' person, but at the same time, I agree with divorce too. When I was growing up, my mom and dad 'stayed together for the kids' and my sister and I both wish to heck they had just gotten the danged divorce and gotten on with life.
As for the abuse, he won't change without help. And even then it will be a life-long struggle for him. For the sake of her children and herself, she needs to get away from this abusive life. Divorce is better than being beaten to death.

comment by dakmom on May 13, 2008 5:39 AM ()

reply by jerms on May 13, 2008 11:07 AM ()

An abusive man rarely changes. Looserobes is right about the intervention being necessary immediately.

I have a few suggestions but I don't think you would approve.

comment by nittineedles on May 12, 2008 3:48 PM ()

You might be surprised. I have a few ideas myself!

reply by jerms on May 13, 2008 11:07 AM ()

Um - why doesn't she want a divorce????
No person should be treated that way, ever. The man is unstable and she should let him go asap!

First of all, I think that one must see the error of his ways and want to be helped. This guy sounds as though he needs to be commented and learn to deal with his anger in a more constructive manner! I just don't like this individual at all!