Earlier this morning I was having the weekly Friday-morning chat with my buddy Adam... We usually ride into town together on Friday, set up for the 12-Step meeting, then head over to the Think Tank (McDonald's) after the meeting for some good all-male conversation with the other old farts from the group. Turns out that I'm not going this week, so he's on his own. I'm busy at the winter house keeping things in order. There is lawn to mow and landscaping to keep up with. I planted a row of tiger-lilies and some other flowering plant that I don't know the name of. Now I'm waiting for the promised rain to water them in.
Drizzle, but no rain yet.
But landscaping and rain isn't the purpose of this post. The subject of Mother's Day came up during the conversation with Adam. He's taking the grandkids to the campground tomorrow to give mom and grandmom a break for the weekend. But again, I digress... I mentioned that my maw died on the night before Mother's day in '94. I hadn't thought about, even tho her death-date was very close to today. Turns out that Adams maw died *on* Mother's Day of '82. Just goes to show that things can always be worse. I had thought up until now that for that to happen the night before was somehow unreasonable. I didn't catch all the details of Adam's story, but I think he said his maw was traveling at the time... maybe a car accident. At least I had spend a week or so at the hospital with mine before she went. She wasn't conscious... But relatives always like to think that the person was somehow aware of their presence. It's possible, but after the last massive bi-lateral stroke, it's not likely.
As I mentioned, I wasn't sure of the date on which she died, so I did a quick google search. I wanted to know on what date Mother's Days was in '94. Turns out maw's death-date is May 7. Makes sense, since 11 always sticks in my mind, and that would have been the day of the funeral.
The info returned by the web site I found from google got me thinking....
Fourteen years ago! That's a quarter of my life! From that point of view, I suppose it's a good thing that the actual date could come and go without notice. I can't imagine how life would be if that sort of information was right at the surface after 14 years. Too many people have died.. Too many people have come and gone... Too many things have happened in my life to have memories surface every morning of what happened on today's date in a past year! It comes back to presence, I suppose. To remember such things when there's a purpose to remember.
I don't know if my brother and s-i-l still check on the grave. The cemetery is in the neighborhood where we grew up, but it's not really close, even for them. But I don't find much meaning in cemeteries or tomb stones with flowers in front of them, or any of that stuff. I haven't been to the cemetery since the funeral, and I have no problem with that. Maw is in our memories, and in the things she left behind that still survive. I was sober 11 years when she died, and I had plenty of time to make amends... And she had a mostly happy life, and her three sons were there the day she left, and it's still nice to think that she knew it... It's the way she would have wanted it, and it would have made her smile.
Assuming Donna outlives me, which is the plan, the decision will be hers, and she will most likely do something along the lines of what I have talked about--cremation and whatever else she wants or doesn't want to do.
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