There are times in this life I feel as though I am losing my mind... last night I was pissed at R, stupid reasons per usual, so now I am pissed at myself and wonder if I should remain in a relationship at times like these when I am just a psycho, mostly. I guess it's not THAT bad but man, I couldn't sleep last night. My head was spinning with thoughts. I had the most bizarre dreams about R and him treating me badly. Strange. I don't get it. He's never treated me bad, intentionally or otherwise. WHAT IS MY DEAL?

I need to keep in mind what Hayduke said (why do I always refer to him lately? :0)) but my words DO impact people. I say a lot of stupid words to R that I don't really mean. I need to watch them more carefully or like he said last night, he's going to feel as though he can't do anything right, and ya know what? Nothing could be further from the truth, which I told him. So he doesn't listen and buys the wrong orange juice. He tried. So he doesn't listen and puts things away in weird spots. He tried. Things like that. WHO CARES??? Why do I care? It's frustrating sometimes but nothing to be PISSED about... Will I ever get a grip?

More later. Maybe. HAPPY THURSDAY! Bleh.

Comments:

I know how you feel. I honestly do. Sometimes being able to let go of the "small stuff" just comes with age and growing older. The next time you feel yourself starting to say something critical, ask yourself if what you're about to say will make anyone happier or add joy to your relationship. If not, then simply don't say it. That's probably easier said than done sometimes, but just give it a try.

Could you be fearing commitment? Though you know consciously that you love R and that he is the sweetest guy around, is your nasty old subconcious telling you that you are letting him get too close? Just my thoughts, Darlin'.

comment by elderjane on June 28, 2008 1:12 PM ()

maybe, but I really think it's just me and an attitude problem... I do adore R!!! I just need some work!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 30, 2008 8:51 AM ()

This sounds like me! I don't do a very good of recognizing the effort and instead recognize how it's wrong.

comment by peanutsmom on June 28, 2008 10:34 AM ()

I know. I totally hear you!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 30, 2008 8:50 AM ()

comment by spicybitch on June 26, 2008 1:35 PM ()

I know. I lose sight sometimes.

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 1:44 PM ()

comment by hayduke on June 26, 2008 11:57 AM ()

ah yes. I usually think I am making a good point, alas later I think What was the point, really??? I dunno. I like your advice though. I like stu's advice as well. I think I am going to combine them and try to make this positive change! THANKS!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 12:15 PM ()

This is where my daily mantra has helped me TREMENDOUSLY: I cannot change anyone elses words/actions/behaviors/etc but my own.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Then repeat it. Feel it. Believe it.

I say this SEVERAL times a day and I swear to you, it calms me down... because the truth of the matter is that you're right - who cares about the little stuff like that?!? That's not what's important. What's important as that you found someone to gel with, someone who is kind and giving, someone who adores you and whom you adore. THAT'S what you need to focus on.

comment by mrsstu on June 26, 2008 11:12 AM ()

you are so right. And I will try this! THANKS for stopping by. I miss you more than you'll ever know...

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 11:54 AM ()

I hear ya girl. I get those crazy thoughts in my head too. It is "female thinkin'." Just learn to take a deep breath when it happens.

comment by sexysadie on June 26, 2008 10:59 AM ()

oh, i like what stu said better!!!

reply by sexysadie on June 26, 2008 11:13 AM ()

I really need to learn to do something... cuz what I do currently is just not working. Poor R....

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 11:12 AM ()

This is women talk.No comment.I have lost it so many years
ago and still trying to find it.

comment by fredo on June 26, 2008 10:26 AM ()

best of luck to us both!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 10:44 AM ()

comment by hayduke on June 26, 2008 9:41 AM ()

True. So - how did you learn to stop yourself before you said something in anger??? Just took the biker analogy every time before you spoke?

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 10:44 AM ()

It's weird how we have these kinds of dreams... J often asks, "Why am I always such an a$$hole in your dreams?" The jerk he is in my dreams is NOTHING like the person he is in real life. It's so strange. Anyhow, I love starlite's advice below... I think she really hit the nail on the head.

comment by mellowdee on June 26, 2008 8:39 AM ()

wow so you have that happen too??? So weird! R asks me that as well and I have no idea why!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 8:41 AM ()

I think we just take things out on the ppl we love. Almost like we're harder on them b/c we know that they will forgive us, and we expect more from them. It's human nature to act this way and feel this way. You have a great guy and you know it. Don't sweat it girl cuz this too shall pass... n don't let this ruin ur day

comment by starlite on June 26, 2008 6:34 AM ()

Thanks chicka. That helped!

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 6:51 AM ()

hang in there girl, we all get crazy like that. even us old married people. I once jokingly told hubby I wish he could be perfect like me.

comment by elkhound on June 26, 2008 6:31 AM ()

yeah, that sounds about right... I just feel like I am a psycho sometimes, ya know? I am glad it's not just me...

reply by kristilyn3 on June 26, 2008 6:50 AM ()