]> http://greasy.com/larryb/index.html larryb's Blog en-us © 12:07:00 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Sat, Jul 12:07:00 5 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/larryb/eating_right.html Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I had gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just thank in colors, Fill your plate with bright colors- greens, yellows, reds, etc.I went home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's, and sure enough, I felt better immediately . I never knew eating right could be so easy. Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:23:13 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/wome_worth.html   Women have strength that amazes men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy, and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take no for an answer, when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. The ... Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:06:39 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/recognition.html "I don't want to hear another word!" I heard my daughter scold. I'm thinking,she's awfully strict for a playful three year old. She rolls her eyes heavenward and sighs with great disdain. "What am I going to do with you?" her dolls hear her complain. "Sit down! be still! hold out your hands! do you have to walk so slow? Pick up your toys! Go brush your teeth! Eat all your carrots! Blow!" I start to tell her how gentle a mother should be, when blushingly, I realized she's imitating ME! Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:20:04 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/lawyers.html Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they are not prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and ask, Mrs. Jones, do you know me? She answered, why yes, I know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy,and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them b ... Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:47:45 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/old_age_advantages.html Toward the end of the Sunday service, the minister asked, how many of you have forgiven your enemies? 80 percent held up their hands. The minister then repeated the question. All responded this time except one small elderly lady. Mrs. Neely, are you not willing to forgive your enemies? she replied, I don't have any. Mrs Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? 98 she replied. Oh Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us how a person can live 98 years and not have an ... Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:33:15 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/coup_d_grace.html (translation-Mo D Lawn) I find myself in situation not to my liking. As you know by my profile, I am a care giver. when my ex-wife got too blind to take care of herself and the children were too busy (or otherwise unable) to take care of her, I volenteered. Now I find myself legally responsable for her in that I have to give my consent every time something needs to be done to or for her. When it was decided that she had to go to a rest home we had a very limited time to find one that had a ... Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:38:08 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/humorious_wit.html There are many well=known quotes; some we like--some are touch and go. But the one we hate to hear the most is a sarcastic, "I told you so" Press 1 for this, 2 for that-- By the time it reaches 4; I can't remember the message and I must dial the number once more! It's a mystery to me and should be to you-- Why a pair of pants is one While a pair of socks are two. A simple wave and a smile on your face Makes this old world a much happier place. Grandma used to baby-sit; That was the general ... Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:46:29 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/wish_daddy_dog.html One day when Bruce was just a lad, starting out in school, he came into my shop and climbed upon a stool. I saw him when he entered, but didn't have time to play. So I merely nodded to him and said "don't get in the way". He sat there a while thinking--as quit as he could be. Then carefully he got down and came and stood by me. He said, old shep never works and has lots of fun. He runs around the meadows and barks at the sun. He chases after rabbits and always scares the cats. He likes to ... Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:27:43 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/goldenrod_cross.html Right by the road where all could see, but it was noticed only by me It was a lowly goldenrod though it reminded me of God. It was a perfectly shaped cross, made of a flower, not a tree, but only for me to see. I thiught, it is empty of the one who died, the Saviour, who had a spear in His side. He suffered so much for everyone, so all people could know God's son. Just a small flower, but the message it sent, couldn't be ignored. Repent. If we look around us each day, we will be reminded t ... Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:53:27 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/gifts.html My house is quite small, My furnishings plain, But it's comfy and warm and my water runs clean. I'm blessed beyond measure With a comfortable bed, I've got food in my belly and a roof overhead. Thank you, dear Lord, For providing all this, For Your loving-kindness And Your wonderful gifts. _Elaine Doll Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:16:08 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/cindy_mccain.html There was an article in the wall street journal on Cindy McCain, John's wife. All I ever saw was this attractive woman standing beside John. I was surprised how talented and involved with the world's problems she is. This is a summary of the article. She graduated from Southern Cal and was a special-needs teacher. After her her dad died, she became involved with his beer distributing firm and is now the chairwoman. Sales have doubled since she has taken over from her father. They, (her and ... Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:03:42 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/thankful.html For the husband who complains when his dinner is not on time, because he is home with me. For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home, not on the streets. For the taxes I pay, because it means I am employed. For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends. For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have plenty to eat. For my show that watches me work, because it means I am out in ... Fri, 30 May 2008 20:08:45 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/senior_citizens_valuable.html We are more valuable than any of the younger generations: We have silver in our hair. We have gold in our teeth. We have stones in our kidneys. We have lead in our feet, and We are loaded with natural gas! I don't know who sent this to me, but I thought it iwas worth passing on Fri, 30 May 2008 19:21:35 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/unstoppable_virus.html Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot stop this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960. SYMPTOMS: 1- Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. 2- Causes you to send a blank e-mail. 3- Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. 5- Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. 6- Causes you to hit send before you are finished. 7- Causes you to hit delete instead of send. 8- Causes ... Fri, 30 May 2008 19:06:09 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/wisdom.html The apple didn't cause the trouble, The "Pair" did. He who angers you, controls you. Some people are like buzzards, only go to church when someone dies. Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, The devil will always take you back. An excuse is a lie, disguised as a reason. Sign at a store-- Children left unatended will be towed away. Fri, 23 May 2008 01:03:18 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/love.html Love is patient Love is kind It doesn't boast Its not proud Its not rude Its not self-seeking Its not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth It always protects, always trusts and always hopes. Fri, 23 May 2008 00:52:12 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/old_tin_lizzie.html The Ford is my auto, I shall not walk. It maketh me to lie down beneath it. It leaveth me stranded in deep waters. It vexeth my soul. It leadeth me in the path of ridicule for its namesake. Yea though I ride through the valleys, I am towed up the hills. I fear all evil, for my sparkeplug corrodeth. My rods and my bolts discomfort me. It preparest a puncture in the presence of trouble. I anointest my hands with grease. My radiator boileth over. Surely curses and punctures shall follow me al ... Thu, 22 May 2008 18:44:52 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/prayer.html Oh God, when I have food, help me to remember the hungry; When I have work, help me to remember the jobless; When I have a warm home, help me remember the homeless; When I am without pain, help me to remember those who suffer; And remembering, help me to destroy my complacency and bestir my compassion. Make me concerned enough to help, by word and deed, those who cry out for what we take for granted. Samuel F. Pugh Wed, 21 May 2008 02:43:59 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/know.html The reason Jesus was born to a virgin, was that if He was begat by man, He would be of the seed of Adam, therefore into sin. But this process, He was sinless. Wed, 21 May 2008 02:32:33 GMT http://greasy.com/larryb/donations.html A tired homaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said-I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you will give what you can. Sure, said the lady, I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each. Wed, 21 May 2008 02:27:03 GMT