http://greasy.com/looserobes/index.html looserobes's Blog en-us © 2008 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Fri, 16 May 2008 08:03:19 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/looserobes/straw.html Okay, I've had it now over this global warming business. The disappearance of Florida and the flooding of coastal cities, I expected. The extinction of polar bears and certain forms of ice-dwelling worms, I have prepared myself for that. The increased devastation of storms worldwide, that's already happening before our frightened eyes. But THIS, THIS IS TOO MUCH: according to research presented today at the 103rd Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association, rising glob ... Thu, 15 May 2008 18:35:04 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/lists.html We all like lists. But they are very personal, very unique things. No matter the general applicability of the topic of the list, it is always subjective, always personally reflective. Perhaps one of the neatest things about lists generally is that one can make a list of anything, from something as prosaic and everyday as a grocery list all the way up to a list of the (supposedly) greatest musical compositions ever penned. Check out the Book of Lists if you haven't already. I think there ar ... Thu, 15 May 2008 15:52:19 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/legal_identity_crisis.html The man in the navy pinstriped suit left the courtroom and was accosted in the corridor by a woman with windblown hair. "Are you a lawyer?" she asked, breathing heavily. "No, I'm an attorney," he replied, adjusting the knot in his tie. Now there's a distinction without a difference. Today we think of "lawyer" and "attorney" being synonymous. There are other related words: counsel, counselor, counselor-at-law, attorney-at-law. Today it's all the same. Some legal practitioners, wanting to to ... Wed, 14 May 2008 21:05:05 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/man_blew.html Dennis "The Drip" Detreich was a man who had a seriously awry nasal condition. No sooner had he arisen from the tossing and turning of his night's sleep than he was grabbing for a tissue. The morning of nose blowing had commenced. Detreich kept waste cans strewn about his apartment like decorative bric-a-brac and by morning's end half of them were at least half full. His sinuses were in a constant state of pre- as well as post-nasal drip. Blowing his nose was, for Detreich, the all-consumi ... Wed, 14 May 2008 16:18:39 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/watching_pro_sports.html These days I feel somewhat of a hypocrite when I watch professional sports on television.  The only time that I watch TV, in fact, is either sports or a movie.  But I complain so much about how absurdly high the salaries of athletes are today, I feel kind of guilty when I spend any time watching them play.    Their salaries could be slashed to a mere 10% of their present amount and these prima donnas would still be the highest paid people in the country.  Many of them sit out huge amo ... Wed, 14 May 2008 02:17:22 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/food_fantasies.html Okay, I'm hungry and I'm having food fantasies! Living out in the boondocks, I cannot satisfy these continued cravings. It's times such as this that I start thinking about returning to the city...and not just ANY city. It has to be someplace with a good deli. I'd kill for a good corned beef sandwich right now. Just the wonderful aroma and sounds of a fine deli would send me into shudders of ecstacy. If I couldn't get to a good deli, then I'd go hunting a Krystal hamburger. Actually, five o ... Mon, 12 May 2008 17:17:20 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/dandelions.html A lot of people hate dandelions. This time of the year, they erupt all over the place and the wind carries their seed far and wide. Here's my dictionary's definition: a widely distributed weed of the daisy family, with a rosette of leaves, bright yellow flowers followed by globular heads of seeds with downy tufts, and stems containing a milky latex. Perhaps if I had a lawn, I'd feel like everyone else does about dandelions. I like them. The bold, glorious yellow is a wonderful color. A fie ... Mon, 12 May 2008 16:16:46 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/books_may_missed.html Abbott's Encyclopedia of Rope Tricks by Stewart James, Colon, Mich: Abbott's Magic Novelty Co., 1945. 498 pages of rope tricks including LeRoy's Hindoo Yarn Mystery, Scotty Lang's Sucker Rope Trick, and Burling Hull's Miracle Restoration. Manuale Di Conversazione: Italiano-Groenlandese by Ciro Sozio and Mario Fantin, Bologna, Italy: Tamari Editori, 1962. One of the least used dictionaries in the world, this translates Italian into the language of the Greenland Eskimos. The Ants of Colorado ... Mon, 12 May 2008 14:45:33 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/ladys_voice.html A recent study out of the State University of New York at Albany concludes that a woman’s voice becomes more attractive when she is most fertile. How would they figure that out, you wonder? Here’s what they did: They recorded women counting from 1 to 10 at four occasions during their menstrual cycle. [Now, this gives away these guys as unimaginative academics. I would have had them saying things like “I love you” and “Where’s my bra?” and “Pass the ketchup.” But they obvi ... Sun, 11 May 2008 15:04:22 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/moms.html You can choose your friends but you only have one mother. My mother just turned 86, bless her heart. She’s been my mom for over sixty-five of those years and she’s still waiting for me to eat all my vegetables. “Think of all those starving Armenians,” she used to say. I’m not sure there even is an Armenia anymore and, if so, I have no idea where it is. But I know where my mom is. She’s living with my sister who, it turns out, has more saint in her than I would ever have expecte ... Sat, 10 May 2008 14:37:54 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/best_friends_animal_society.html All animal lovers should be aware of this wonderful place. Best Friends Animal Society is a santuary for about 2,000 cats, dogs and other animals in gorgeous Angel Canyon about five miles north of Kanab, Utah. The animals they take in come from all over the world, from shelters and rescue groups across the country, and most have special needs due to neglect, physical or mental abuse. Best Friends has rescued dogs and cats from the war zone in Iraq, from the devastation of Hurricane Katrina ... Fri, 9 May 2008 15:56:19 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/courthouse_poems.html Two common offenses seen in large city misdemeanor courtrooms are prostitution and indecent exposure. My verses on the subject: PROSTITUTE She's always tough, she's never cute; Her job description: prostitute. The johns approach her on the street, She smiles and pretends she's sweet. "You wanna date?" she'll usually say To men who lewdly look her way, And just to coax the right reply She'll flash a bit of breast or thigh. "Are you a cop?" she'll next request, As if that's her entrapment te ... Thu, 8 May 2008 17:19:49 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/political_season_quotes.html Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber." Plato "In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take." Adlai Stevenson "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." H. L. Mencken "It has been said that democracy is the worse form of government except all the others that have been tried." Winston Churchill "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt ... Wed, 7 May 2008 16:20:05 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/dancing_vodka.html They had warned me that the Russians like their vodka. They had warned me that there would be lots of high spirited toasting to lots of worthy things: U.S.-Russian relations, international peace, justice, Fyodor Doestoyevsky, to name a few. They had warned me that my social duty would be to participate in the polite, if somewhat dizzying, process of bending the ol' elbow with one shot glass after another. In preparation for flying to Russia to be a presenter at two seminars within a week, ... Tue, 6 May 2008 16:11:17 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/old_man_witness.html When I was a new prosecutor we had a grocery store downtown and also a lot of hungry homeless. This combination led to a lot of petty theft, almost always of foodstuffs. These cases crowded my docket. The grocery store attempted to combat the problem by hiring a security guy. The man had to be at least in his seventies. I still remember his name, though this goes back to 1977. There were about eight of us who were assigned to prosecute misdemeanors in those days and we all dreaded this man ... Sun, 4 May 2008 17:38:50 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/poor_parenting.html Yet another factor in the increasingly high levels of stupid people in our midst: poor parenting skills. By the time the clueless parents and the incompetent teachers get done with them, what chance do they have?! New findings by researchers at the University of Rochester are being presented today at the Pediatric Academic Society meeting (in Honolulu... they're no dummies) that show nearly one-third of U.S. parents have a surprisingly low level of knowledge of typical infant development a ... Sun, 4 May 2008 13:08:44 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/drunken_manslaughter.html DUI laws change every year. Part of the reason is the legislature's attempt to keep up with evolving problems in enforcement; part of the reason is new technology being brought to bear upon the continuing problem; part of the reason is to make it look like they're doing something about a scourge on the highways. DUI is a very difficult thing to try for a prosecutor because, unlike homicide or rape or other common crimes, most if not all of the jurors have, at one or more times in their liv ... Sat, 3 May 2008 20:49:06 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/friend_bob.html Bob Adams is an old friend of mine and I am using his real name here because I wish to pay tribute to him. He’s gone now, smoked himself to an early grave, and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him since I’d long since moved away. But I think about him often and for my entire career in the law was grateful for what he taught me. Bob was not a lawyer. He was a retired cop from Chicago, a gruff, leather-skinned no-nonsense sort of guy who said what he thought and didn’t think much of an ... Sat, 3 May 2008 16:21:25 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/pet_photo.html Presented for your viewing pleasure...Huxley the hungry dachshund. I had just finished dumping a new bag of his food into a large plastic container that sits on the floor of the pantry. He was going bonkers, awaiting the inevitable spillage which never came, as luck would have it. So, with a small amount of prized crunchies in the bottom for him to discover, I put the bag down for him to enjoy. For those into irony, the OM on the bag stands for "Overweight Management." Fri, 2 May 2008 22:17:24 GMT http://greasy.com/looserobes/seed_watch.html This is the first time I've ever planted seeds. Doubting Thomas that I am, the fact that I've yet to see any evidence of germination disappoints but does not surprise me. For what seems like about three weeks now (I failed to note the dates on which I put the dang things in the dirt) I have been faithfully watering and watching. I just planted flowers, no veggies, and I added compost and turned the soil in all the places where I dropped seeds. I put forget-me-nots in our little pet cemeter ... Fri, 2 May 2008 17:06:56 GMT