Assurance is a funny thing … somehow when you get it … it eases your mind of everything. Your worries disappear, your apprehension disappears, and your insecurities disappear.

Everyone gets it in some form or another, whether we like it or not … or even try to deny that we don’t need assurance. We always do … it may not be self-evident, but it’s there. For example:

When in you’re in a relationship, that assurance your boyfriend or girlfriend loves you is self evident. All you have to do is look right next to you and they’re there standing by your side, through thick and thin.
When you’re at work, the assurance that you’re doing a good job and making a difference. Maybe it’s the satisfaction that you see from your boss or maybe the co-worker who says, “Hey, you're doing a good job.”
When you have friends, the assurance that they’re true, real friends is when the time comes … that you can always count on them. That even though through the good and bad times, they accept who you are. That even though they show they might not care, deep down you can only hope they do. Because there’s too many fake people in this world.
Deep down, I secretly want that feeling. It’s just a personality trait of mine, whether or not we truly admit it or if we realize it ourselves.

Like at work, it would be nice that I’m doing a good job or making a contribution to the restaurant. Yeah we might not hear it that often, but that “pat on the back” does make a difference in the long run.
With my friends … that assurance that we genuinely are friends. Not just someone they talk to or hang out with whenever it’s convenient for them. That they really do care and it’s not all some show that they’re putting on.
I won’t admit this to any of them … but it’s nice to hear from them time to time that they miss hanging out or talking.
In my personal life, whenever I decide to make a major decision. I want affirmation and assurance that it’s the right thing to do. I’m afraid of taking risks and when I do … I just need someone to say, “Yeah … you’re doing the right thing”

I think we all have vulnerabilities in life … from someone who is emotionally fragile to someone who is physically strong. No matter how weak or strong you are … there are always weaknesses in us and whether we like to admit it or not.

They are there and we cannot get rid of them, they are part of us. Assurance … it really is a funny thing when you look at it.

Somehow having someone just say, “Hey, everything is going to be alright” or “You know … I did miss talking and hanging out with you” just makes everything in your mind ease. Maybe it’s just the confirmation … I don’t know.

Our minds work in strange and miraculous ways, weird huh?

Comments:

Matt, my friend, you have more wits about you at 18 than I did at 20, but I did learn. You have a good, intact self-image, and know how to ignore the cruel and the ignorant without victimizing them or turning to ugly responses. We're all glad you're here, and Just for the record, I'll be praying for you during your finals. Hugs,

It's taken all that to make me the happy, contented guy I am today! I just wish everyone could have the joy I experience everyday!

I have been self assured ever since I 'divorced' my parents and went out on my own in my teen years--I think just surviving that (and it wasn't an easy time)was enough to realize that I had the confidence to do anything, even fail.
The only time I can recall needing assurance--and I was at my most vulnerable--was when I lost the love of my life but surviving that gave me all the assurance I needed to face some of the 'horrors' (mainly my own doing) in the following years.

comment by greatmartin on May 10, 2008 2:48 PM ()

So you're a survivalist -- if that's the right word
I admire the fact you've been through so much in your life and yet seem to be such a strong, happy, and life-loving guy.

reply by mattguru18 on May 10, 2008 3:31 PM ()

I am one of those who needs constant assurance. being accepted for who I am and knowing people can like me. I know I shouldn't be that way, but what can you do?

comment by lunarhunk on May 10, 2008 9:40 AM ()

Yes, Martin is one of a kind
I wonder why that is. It seems to me that some people are born with more self-confidence and self esteem than others, or maybe it has to do with how much independence they received growing up. It might just be a personality trait certain folks possess that makes them less likely to need assurances from people. Hmmm...

reply by mattguru18 on May 10, 2008 2:53 PM ()

I have never wanted/waited for assurances from others-yes, I made some huge mistakes in life, took chances, etc.--I always relied on myself--I knew when I did a good job whether at work or with my life and I knew when I didn't--someone else's approval didn't change what I felt or what I was doing--in fact I can be a pain to people who love me--"You did a great job, Martin", "You will do the right thing, Martin", etc. would be said to me and I, very simply, would answer, "I know"--UGH!!! What a response but it gets to the nitty gritty of my being assured within myslef and not needing assurance from someone else.

comment by greatmartin on May 10, 2008 9:07 AM ()

That's great you have such great self-confidence, Martin. Have you always had it or was it something you acquired through the years?

reply by mattguru18 on May 10, 2008 2:35 PM ()