‹ chat status“Don't marry someone you can live with… marry someone you cannot live without.”
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Yesterday J n’ I finally booked a place to hold our reception after we return from our elopement. (I still haven’t figured this out yet – is it considered eloping if everyone knows about it, but no one is invited?) We were originally planning on having a simple outdoor reception, but late September weather can be unpredictable, and I quickly learned that renting a freakin' tent is twice as expensive as renting a venue along the waterfront. Seriously! I was shocked. Anyhow, it felt wonderful to find a place to hold it, and have another item checked off our endless to-do list.
With that nonsense out of the way, today I decided to browse around online to see if there are any cheap wedding favours that I could order. I figure since some guests are going to be flying all the way out from Ontario, and we’re not even serving them a full meal -- just some light finger foods -- the least we could do is give them some little token doo-dad they can take back.
Most of the crap I've found online is well... just that... crap. Nothing was really striking my fancy. A couple years ago, my cousin gave out purple pens at her wedding with their names and wedding date on that. I thought that was pretty cool as it was something useful... until it rolled under my car seat and then I accidentally stepped on it and broke it in half. That kinda sucked. I liked that purple pen. But yeah... I haven't found any pens online... just mints, novelty candles, and other tchotchke junk.
Anyhow, while surfing I stumbled across these customizable fortune cookies. You can write up to five different fortunes that you want to appear inside. The website gave a few suggestions based on things that others have written, and that line really resonated with me:
“Don't marry someone you can live with… marry someone you cannot live without.”
Gawd, that is SO true, isn’t it?
Now, I am not going to get on a high horse here, (alright... well, it’s my blog, so maybe I will), but I have to say that I honestly know far more couples who are together just because it was convenient, than those who when I look at them I can't help but think, "Man, they are *so* meant to be together." Like one of my favourite lines in one of my all-time favourite movies, Forrest Gump, "Jenny n' I were like peas and carrots." I think there's a real shortage of peas and carrots in the world... and all I'm constantly seeing is a whole lotta freezer-burned brussle sprouts and beets.
Now, I realize that the years can sometimes change things... fair enough. But honestly, if you think of all the folks you know, how many of them are in lukewarm relationships versus soulmate relationships. And how many of them actually know the difference? Everyone else can see it... but can they? Who really knows how far the rabbit hole of love really goes. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes what we think is real love, we later learn that it was really not... or at least it was not as intense or pure.
I thought I was in love once, and now looking back, I know that I wasn't. Because the love I had, and the love I've got simply don't come anywhere close in comparison. It might've been love (or perhaps merely lust) at one time, but I think I eventually taught myself that I had to love that person because I believed that no one else would have the patience to put up with him or love him like I did. How sick (and not to mention arrogant) is that?! I felt as if it was my duty to love him, through thick and thin, no matter what b.s. I had to deal with on a daily basis. Afterall, I rationalized, it wasn't like he was abusive at all... he was just an asshole to me and well, pretty much everyone else he was close to.
Finally, enough was enough and we went our separate ways. He learned a few lessons about himself and so did I. He became a better person, and I like to think that I did too. We couldn't grow as individuals until we had grown apart. Instead we had wasted all those years in a stagnant mode of settling for what we had -- what we thought was supposed to be love -- when really we both knew that there had to be something more... something better out there.
Of course, I have to admit that it was relatively easy for me to move onwards and upwards after that relationship. We weren't married and we didn't have kids. We just had six years of CDs
and some second hand furniture to divy up. Oh yeah, and our cat who we had recently adopted... but since I was staying in the house, the cat stayed with me.
After that, I remember telling myself that I would *never* settle ever again. And fortunately, I haven't had to. J exceeds my expectations for what I was looking for in more ways than I could've ever imagined.
Anyhow, I guess what really prompted me to write this post, which kind of ties into the fortune cookie's message, is that this weekend J is out camping with the boys for his Bro's bachelor party. In two weeks time, Bro will be entering his second marriage.
Like I've mentioned before, GF (soon to be SIL) is a kick-ass chicka, and a far better person than Bro's first wife... and yet... for all of us standing along the sidelines, J n' Bro's folks included, we can't help but worry -- just a teensy bit.
For instance, classic example, the front page of their wedding website includes a quiz which asks, "What do we fight about the most?" The answer is harmless enough -- "what movie to rent" -- however, GF told me that it's actually money. (Obviously not one of the options to choose from in their multiple choice quiz.) Still, for Pete's sake, you guys are getting MARRIED... why the hell does your wedding website talk about what you fight most about?! WTF?!
Then last weekend, I was over at GF's helping her make wedding decorations, and she told me how she n' Bro were speaking with the lady who'll be performing the ceremony, and the lady asked what they enjoy doing together.... to which they had absolutely no answer, because they have nothing in common. Apparently the only thing they actually do together is fight about money and what movie to watch. GF laughed thinking that this was absolutely hilarious that they have nothing in common and how it totally threw off the officiant who now has no idea what she is going to say about the two of them at their wedding ceremony.
Personally, I really don't think it's a laughing matter. I think it's a big funking STOP sign that they're blindly racing through at top speed.
I realize that you don't have to be a carbon copy of your partner... I mean, having differences is very important. But to have absolutely nothing in common (and trust me, they don't), well, I know they say opposites attract... but do such opposites actually last?
I think we're all just wishing that they'd dig their heels in a little and just slow it down. They weren't even together for a year when she pushed this marriage on to Bro. She had it all planned out long before he ever proposed. Then she harped on him for months to propose so she could send out the invites, and as a result, her mother had to buy the ring for Bro, because GF insisted on one of the largest in the store. THEN, when Bro did propose, she screamed, told him to shut up, locked herself into a closet and they got into a fight. (Yeah... I know... seriously... She tells it like it's a funny ancedote, but there ain't nothing romantic about it.)
NOW, they're going into some serious debt with this extravagant wedding she's planning.... and they're already fighting about money because he doesn't make enough to be on par with her lifestyle. Not to mention, she's pregnant, so eventually she'll be on mat leave and then they'll have even less cash. AND to top it all off, Bro is bipolar, and she has yet to witness any of his major meltdowns... and I swear to gawd she is driving him to one.
Man.
Again, I realize I look like I'm ranting here, so please don't get me wrong... I really don't mean to make GF out to be a horrible person. I think she's great, and she'll make an awesome SIL. But this relationship... the two of them together... I don't know... it seems that it's all out of convenience. It's like all she wanted was a big ring, a flashy wedding, and a baby, and she didn't care with who. She just wanted someone she could live with, and with her biological clock ticking, she doesn't have the time to wait around to find her Mr. Can't Live Without.
I don't know... it's not my place to judge. And I really don't want to sound like I'm judging, but this is my blog and if I can't ramble here, then where can I? I really do wish them all the happiness in the world, and I sincerely hope that it all works out for them. Hey, on the bright side, once they have the baby at least that'll give them one thing they finally have in common... right?
posted on June 13, 2008 7:09 PM ()
The rest of this post...well, I certainly needed to read it.
So, thanks.
And I'm glad you were able to take a little something away from this post... You n' Rock vs. you n' Don actually crossed my mind when I was writing about the different types of love.
That's crazy that you thought something similar to what I experienced thinking...At least we can both look back, acknowledge it, and just shake our heads. I imagine there are millions of people out there who are probably stuck in crappy relationships right now, thinking those same thoughts. 
It's so true though... it think a lot of the time people don't have enough positive experience in love to realize what they're really missing. They just forge ahead into the relationship doing what they figure they're "supposed to do"... But once a person finally moves on and finds that special love, it's wonderful!!
And you're exactly right... we can only hope for the best. They're both great individuals, so even if they make an odd couple, I'm sure they're willing to put in the effort to make it work... and last.
Regardless of the constant bickering and their many differences, they do seem to love each other... and I guess that's all that matters.
Those fortune cookies... they really do hold all the answers, don't they?
so true
That's very cool that you eloped and everyone one knew... I still call it "eloping", even though everyone knows. 
And thanks so much for all your warm wishes.
Oh, that's a funny metaphor about the fruit... but that totally makes sense. 50 years is an incredible length of time! I do hope that Bro n' GF figure out their money issues... I think she might have to sacrifice some of her day to day luxuries (like her maid) to make their finances more feasible.And no, you didn't miss it.. I didn't mention which dodad I decided on. I think I'm going to get 5 disposible cameras to scatter around the room, so people can take pics (and we can see what we were missing while we did our obligatory mingling), and then we *might* go with the fortune cookies... still haven't quite decided yet, but I think they're kinda neat.
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