http://greasy.com/oombutu/ oombutu's Blog en-us © 00:48:08 Greasy.com All rights reserved. Tue, Dec 00:48:08 2 GMT 30 http://greasy.com/oombutu/man_vs_stink.html My name is Chris, and I am a man. I drink too much and watch football. I eat red meat and order pizza with anger. I have walked in the cold without wearing a hat. I have turned down eating quiche just because of the name. By every mark of THIS society... I am a man. I have lain with a woman. I have broken a heart and had my heart broken. I have been hit on at a bar and I have had my face slapped. I have asked a stranger to dance and been told yes and no. By every measure that is MEASURABLE ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/man_vs_stink.html#comments Sun, 30 Nov 2008 12:51:20 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/democrat_friends_republicans.html Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/democrat_friends_republicans.html#comments Fri, 17 Oct 2008 17:58:30 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/pastors_ass.html The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decide ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/pastors_ass.html#comments Mon, 8 Sep 2008 16:53:08 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/computers_things_better.html Andy Mikula living in Dickson City near Scranton, Pennsylvania, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April Andy received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn’t send them $0.00 by return post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they’d take care ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/computers_things_better.html#comments Wed, 3 Sep 2008 20:18:01 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/mr.html Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool. Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them. Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning. Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood. Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. th ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/mr.html#comments Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:27:57 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/difference_women_men.html 1.NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2.EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get th ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/difference_women_men.html#comments Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:22:23 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/kids.html I spoke with my kids for a short time yesterday. They seem to be having fun with their mom, although most of it is spent on video games and movies. They are not doing much else. I miss the Hell out of my children. When I hear their voices over the phone, my stomach drops a little bit. It is hard talking to them without hearing a whole lot of sadness in their voices. That's a little crappy and selfish, but I guess I wish they missed me a little more. Not a reasonable request. When they are ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/kids.html#comments Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:19:36 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/face_face.html We just got back from Missouri/Michigan. I dropped my children off with their mother again for the summer. I am not happy about this. Within 9 hours of their arrival the diet I have had them on for 6 months (gluten-free and dairy free, a requirement for their body chemistry) was blown with a Little Caesar's hot and ready. There was a year leading up to this where she knew what she would have to do, and knew how she was going to have to shop, and it lasted 9 hours. This is only one example, ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/face_face.html#comments Mon, 7 Jul 2008 01:13:39 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/womens_names_mean.html The Women's Names Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity. Ada - blue haired, smells of wee. Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy. Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs. Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets. Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe. Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend. Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/womens_names_mean.html#comments Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:56:06 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/mens_names_really_mean.html The Men's Names Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff. Able - totally useless. Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene. Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons. Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women. Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat. Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet. Andrew - Highly intelligent and w ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/mens_names_really_mean.html#comments Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:54:01 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/proposed.html I proposed. On June 6th, immediately following the curtain call of the Windham Theatre Guild's production of 'You Can't Take it With You'... I proposed to Laura. There are approximately 197,538 photographs of this event. However, here is one of the best: Those people in the background were also in the play. And that badass in the foreground, that's me. Sportin' a mean mustache that would look pansy on anyone else. One me, though, looks angry. God, I am awesome. http://greasy.com/oombutu/proposed.html#comments Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:34:55 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/way_better.html Since moving here to Connecticut from Michigan, it has taken me more than a year to thoroughly examine what I see out here regarding how the people interact with each other. And even longer to form honest and accurate correlations with what I am used to. Back there I have a whole lot of friends, and we are pretty tight. There are a lot of interactions that I guess are considered to be brutal by the standards that people from Connecticut hold to. For example: My Michigan friends and I go to ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/way_better.html#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:51:02 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/god_say.html So God say to Abraham, "Kill me a son." Abe say, "Man, you must be puttin' me on." God say, "No." Abe say, "Whut?" God say, "Well Abe, you do what you want, but the next time you see me comin', you better run." Abe say, "Where you want this killin' done?" God say, "Out on highway. . . 61." http://greasy.com/oombutu/god_say.html#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:16:28 GMT http://greasy.com/oombutu/1204678729.html I am going to start transferring all of my old articles from blogster.com. Mainly because I wrote something absolutely exceptional yesterday, hit the spell checker, and watched it zip into never never land. Trying to recreate an article with as much verve and wit the second time around always yields a substandard result. So I have moved over here. Lots of people tell me that it is all beautiful, has a hundred pounds of awesome all over the place, and will wash my car each evening. I am ver ... http://greasy.com/oombutu/1204678729.html#comments Wed, 5 Mar 2008 00:58:49 GMT