I can remember the first time I lost a pet. I was five years old and had just woken one morning to find my cat Floyd had been hit by a car during the night. My mother explained to me that he had gone to kitty heaven, but I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t feel any emotion, because I had no idea what death was exactly. I had to see the body of my beloved cat to be sure. Against my mother’s suggestion I was allowed to see the body. Floyd was wrapped in a trash bag in the back yard. As I approached the motionless bag an over whelming wash of sadness came over me. When the bag was opened to reveal its contents I burst into tears and pleaded with my mother to make Floyd all better, but I knew there was nothing she could do. Despite my ignorance about death I knew one thing, it was permanent.

      In the weeks that followed the death of my cat I wondered why and how this could happen. Was it an accident that someone had killed my cat? Was it my fault for not keeping him in that night? Whose fault was it? As time went on the pain faded along with the questions. I still vividly remember the sight of his corpse to this day. It’s a memory I just can’t get rid of. Seeing a dead animal for the first time, sort of shocked me with the reality of death. Since then I have been to funerals for friends and families, both of which were far more emotionally involved for me than the death of Floyd the cat, but none of the images from the funerals have stayed with me the way the dead cats body has.

      In Alifa Rifaat’s book Distant View of a Minaret there’s a short story called “Degrees of Death”. The story is told from the point of view of a young girl. She witnesses the death of one of the rabbits she had grown close to. The situation is very different from my story in the sense that she actually sees the rabbit being killed and they way the rabbit is killed is entirely intentional. But the resulting trauma seems similar. The event led her to question death and what it really means. Is one life more valuable than another? What happens after death? All of the questions that don’t concern a young child until they’re confronted with it. She blamed herself at first for not pleading for the rabbit’s life. Then as time progresses she comes to the realization of the difference between one life and another. At this point the idea of different ‘degrees’ of death is introduced by Alifa Rifaat. The idea that peoples’ lives are more valuable to us than animal lives. I think this is true, because as humans we become most connected with other humans and can most easily sympathize with those like us. The way that I was introduced to death as a child seems to be a little easier on me than it would have been for the girl in the story. If would have seen the cat get hit it would have probably haunted me far longer and in different ways. Dealing with the death of friends or family wasn’t easy in any way, but having a general understanding of death prior to the losses has made it a little easier. I can’t imagine if it would have had to be a human loss for my first experience with death.