I’ve learned that church people, as congregations or as individuals, generally don’t know how to confront or address sinful conduct. In my experience, our cultural (U.S.A.) individualism recoils at the concept of our behavior being anyone else’s concern. Complicating it further, in my denomination anyway, is a real hesitancy to identify anything as sin. In an effort to convey welcome, grace, mercy, and love, we really don’t want to sound judgmental or intolerant – both of which are assumed when naming sin. It is much easier (much more comfortable for everyone) to not speak of a specific act or attitude as sinful, to instead speak of sin in general terms.

Something powerful is lost, however, when God’s forgiveness, mercy, and grace, can not be applied to behaviors, ideas, or choices – only because of the denial of any real wrongdoing. So often, real hurt, real guilt is denied or explained away, through psycho-babble or cultural norms. When what is called for (what is best for the soul) is truth, acknowledgment/confession of sin, repentance, and the realization of God’s life-giving, boundless, reclaimable, and comprehensive exoneration.

Somehow people have come to an understanding that to have something we’ve done, or a motive we’ve had, identified as sin is somehow tantamount to being branded as a non-Christian or unforgivable – outside God’s grace. There’s the further assumption that to have sin identified is always a hypocritical act because of the sin in everyone else’s life (particularly whatever sinful deeds are probable in the life of the one approaching/confronting us).

Both of these assumptions are the product of poor teaching, modeling, and experience in our churches. On one extreme we have people who do speak and act with pretentious, self-righteous judgmentalism. These are the people who get mean, rude; in a way they stand at a distance and throw stones.
At the other extreme are people who always say that everything is okay, that everything we’ve thought or done is either justifiable or isn’t really anything God is opposed-to and neither should any body else. They may say that we’re all sinners so nobody must be really. These folks just don’t want anyone to feel bad, and it’s their calling to undo or resist the people in the first extreme.

Finally there is the near refusal, on the part of many, to say anything critical – for fear that their own imperfections or misdeeds (sins) will become part of the discussion.

I don’t observe Jesus hesitating to address specific sin in anyone, whether it be his apostles, strangers, would-be disciples, or teachers of the law. Rather than simply justify this on the basis of Jesus’ perfection, I read it as modeling consistent with everything else about him. The description of the early church, in Acts as well as the epistles, reveal a similar expectation and acceptability – even necessity -- in identifying sin. Of particular instruction to me, for addressing sins within congregations are these scriptures: John 4:1-30, Galatians 6:1, Matthew 18:15-17.

Biblical teaching, it must be noted, also conveys the expectation that the people who make up a congregation are more communal than in most U.S. churches. The people receiving these instructions were more involved in each others’ lives and saw themselves as fellow members of one body in a way we seldom practice or understand. Having said that, I do not excuse our practice. While change in this arena will be slow, a correct view of the situation, and teaching to correct it, is critical to the health of our churches and the integrity of our ministries.

"The Bible tells us to intrude -- or rather, the Bible tells us that talking to one another about what is really going on in our lives is in fact not an intrusion at all, because what's going on in my life is already your concern; by dint of the baptism that made me your brother, my joys are your joys and my crises are your crises. We are called to speak to one another lovingly, to be sure, and with edifying, rather than gossipy or hurtful, goals. But we are called nonetheless to transform seemingly private matters into communal matters."

"Community doesn’t come about simply by having hard, intimate conversations. Having hard intimate conversations is part of what is possible when people are already opening up their day-to-day lives to one another."

"To say that Christian life is communal is to remind Carrie's roommates that they have not just a right but an obligation to speak to Carrie about her choices."

(quotes from Lauren F. Winner)