In my first marriage, I can remember feeling jealous and envious of friends and family more times than I’d care to count.

The reasons were always ridiculous and immature.


“They have more money than me.”

“Their house is nicer than mine.”

“She’s thinner than me.”

“Their kids are better dressed than mine.”

Blah… blah… blah…

What a waste of time and energy. Looking back now, I realize how unhappy I was. I was in this very unsatisfying marriage for years. It drained the life right out of me. I became petty. I could gossip for hours. I felt lonely and angry.

Ugggghhhhh. I cringe at the thought of that person I once was.


But when I married my second husband, my true identity came out and something within me really started to shine. I could honestly feel a physical/emotional change from the moment I fell in love with him. I laughed much more. Rarely found reason to raise my voice in anger. Gossip became something I had no time or desire to engage in.

I truly started appreciating the gifts in my life.
I became a better Mother, a better Sister, a better Daughter and a better friend. I can’t tell you how many times friends and family have literally said “I can tell you’re so happy” to me. I changed almost instantly and it was a fabulous difference from the woman I had been before.

I have not felt jealous or envious of anyone or anything in years. And I know it has to do with my husband.

I wouldn’t trade my happiness with him for anything.

Not for more money

Not for a nicer house

Not for a thinner body

Not even for better dressed kids ;)

His friendship and love allowed me to be the person that was always jealously and enviously waiting to live her life.

Comments:

I'm glad you all had a good time. Sounds like the step-mom is kind of *out there*

comment by texastar on July 25, 2008 7:20 PM ()

It sure is. That is just awful!! Hopefully, something will wake her up and she will have a change of heart!!

reply by texastar on July 27, 2008 5:34 PM ()

I honestly think she's unstable. There has been so many crazy things she's done and not just to me and my kids. My Ex-sister-in-laws say she's a wacko too. Unfortunately, she has really driven a wedge between my "ex" family. We/They ALL used to be very close and do lots of things together. Now, the only time my kids see some of my ex-husbands family is when they get together with me and Mark for some party or event. It's a real shame and a big mess.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 27, 2008 4:22 PM ()

What a beautiful couple you two make Terri!! I was reading your other post last night about the biotch!! Man!! I meant to comment but then my son came in and got to talking to him. Hope everything worked out alright and the kids and you guys have started your vacation!!

comment by texastar on July 22, 2008 2:32 PM ()

Thanks Jen, We just got back from a short vacation with the kids. It was fun.

Their Step Mom is unstable!

reply by shesaidwhat on July 25, 2008 4:12 AM ()

You two make such a **beautiful** couple... and your happiness beams right off my computer screen.When you have love like that, all the trival worries and possessions in life immediately fade away.

comment by mellowdee on July 22, 2008 10:20 AM ()

Thanks Mel
I could NEVER survive "the other side of the coin" that is my drama life with ex and his wife, without my super husband. We know that someday, the kids will be full grown, on their own, and we'll have each other's company and love still. We can get through the BS of the day as long as we have each other.

Our dream after my husband retires is to get rid of our house and material possessions, buy a motor home and travel the country. We love to camp. We love nature. And I'm sure we'll always be welcome at one of my three kids homes, inbetween trips.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 22, 2008 11:18 AM ()

Good Stuff.

comment by dazeymae on July 21, 2008 10:04 AM ()

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 11:43 AM ()

Yes, happy people spread happiness everywhere. Unhappy people can be toxic. Glad I know you now rather than the before. May the two of you have a long and wonderful life together.

comment by dragonflyby on July 21, 2008 9:14 AM ()

Yep, again... well said Dottie. I still get butterflies when my husband is close to being home after work. That's a good sign after 10 years together.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 9:17 AM ()

What an adorable photo of "high school sweethearts"! At least you weren't sitting on his lap feeding him "surprise meat of the day" wiping his chin! (My memories of High School sweethearts!) Jealousy was never a part of any of my relationships..and I can honestly say that I am still friends with all X's to this day! I think they are all "learning lessons". How could you appreciate what you have now if not for experiences in life! So glad you found "the one"! Thanks for sharing!!

comment by haddox101 on July 21, 2008 8:01 AM ()

Well said. We all have to learn things in order to grow. My ex-husband has recently confided in family friend that there were more things he could have done in his first marriage that he simply didn't do... so hopefully he learned something too and has done better in his second (though he picked a bit*h of a woman )

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 8:19 AM ()

I have had that very same thought and convo. with myself about happiness being a choice. I think the only way it holds true is that "Yes, I chose to end my unhealthy relationship. I chose to make a new home for my kids and I. I chose to pursue a new relationship that makes the kids and I happy. I am choosing to work on myself. Only in these ways (of constant choosing) is happiness a choice.

comment by firststarisee on July 21, 2008 7:04 AM ()

It took me so so long to realize that I could "chose" to end my marriage. I thought my only "choice" was to get up every day in that unhappy marriage, yet have the power or ability to choose to be happy. And I would fail at that task day after day, month after month, and year after year. The failure of being simply unable to be happy obviously added to my pain.

The freedom of getting out of the marriage was one of the best choices I ever made. I was filled with regret at first, but knowing how wonderful these past 10 years have been with my hubby, I have no doubt about that "choice".

Sigh... life was so hard back then. Now it's so much easier. Hope you find the "ease" soon as you embark on the same thing I did a decade ago. It will take time for all to fall into place, but it will.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 7:14 AM ()

That is wonderful for you. My ex did the same for me. Because I was unhappy in my life with him a lot of petty emotions began to rule me. After our divorce and when I started focusing on my son, and myself all of that went away. The relationship that I am in now is fantastic and now I know what it really is to love my life

comment by ducky on July 21, 2008 6:58 AM ()

it's so nice to hear other stories like I'm going through right now

reply by firststarisee on July 21, 2008 7:17 AM ()

Exactly. It's almost embarrassing to admit that I could allow negative changes in who I was when I was married to my 1st husband, but it just seemed to take over and happen. When I became SO unhappy that the thought of death seemed more appealing than staying in my 1st marriage, I made immediate plans to end it. I had tried. It wasn't working. I wanted to live a happy fulfilling life, so I got a job (after being a stay at home Mom for many many years) and I got out.

They say the statistics for second marriage divorces are more ridiculous than first marriages, but we are happily NOT one of those statistics.

Glad you found yourself in the love of a happy life.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 7:10 AM ()

that is a great pic of you two, you are both so happy! I am so glad you found your happiness and your soul mate! it makes all the difference

comment by elkhound on July 21, 2008 6:53 AM ()

You are so right Mary. It makes ALL the difference. The little stuff (like cleaning or getting stuck in traffic) don't bother me or enrage me. I'm happy, and petty things just don't bother me. I'm more peaceful and calmer than I've ever been.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 7:05 AM ()

you guys are adorable!!
I am still jealous and envious of others even though I as well have the bestest man in the world... perhaps I am still growing...

comment by kristilyn3 on July 21, 2008 6:35 AM ()

Thanks Kristy. I'll bet that the more volunteer work and animal work you do, the more those feelings will subside. You are probably most happy when you are doing what makes you happy.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 7:04 AM ()

I feel you there, except mostly I was jealous because they were HAPPY

comment by firststarisee on July 21, 2008 5:48 AM ()

Well, ultimately I was envious to the fact that I wasn't happy. I wanted to be. I tried to be. My Mother always says that "Happiness is a choice", but I believe some circumstances do have to be in place for that to be a true statement. So if it's a choice, I guess I chose to find it elsewhere, because it was not present where I was.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 7:02 AM ()

Soooo happy for you! Great post!

comment by marta on July 21, 2008 5:41 AM ()

Thanks. It was a long time coming, but I cherish it for sure.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 6:59 AM ()

My first wife was my "Trophy Wife." She was and still is a 'looker.' She liked the title, too! My second wife thought I was a "Trophy Husband!" She treated me like one after a while... sitting me on a shelf and letting me gather dust (and wrinkles). LOL.

Good post! Stay as you and your DH like! Great pic.

comment by jondude on July 21, 2008 4:36 AM ()

After choosing such an unsuitable partner my first time around, I have often wondered how I could have "settled" for that kind of treatment. But I didn't know what I could feel or what I was missing until I met the wonderful man I'm married too now.

I guess we go what we go through to become who we are now and make better choices. If you find love again, choose well.

reply by shesaidwhat on July 21, 2008 4:44 AM ()