The last few days have been a nightmare. It's not as if I hadn't mentioned my doubts of moving to Newport. I did tell Josh of my indecision. He knew that I was reconsidering it. I know I've avoided telling him outright that I had made a decision to wait for awhile, but he was so mad when I did tell him. It got to be a screaming match. We went back and forth and I ended up crying. It didn't matter to him. He was just so mad. He kept yelling. I'm not backing down. I don't know what I'm going to do in regards to Josh. I do love him. I think he loves me. He said he did. He didn't act it. He wasn't understanding at all. He said I could move in with him and he would take care of most of the rent. That wouldn't work for me. I would be giving up some of my independence. I would be giving up all of my independence if he were there all of the time. I didn't want to tell him that though. Right now I want to do what I want to do. I do want to be closer to him but I can't do it just because he wants it.
Now I'm just down. I guess my life will go on. I don't know what direction it will take. What a mess.