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It took me a LONG time to figure these out. (From an email)
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the .#@$%^. out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
posted on Aug 20, 2008 8:32 AM ()
Jeri, the wisdom you share with me! Now I need your recipe for lemonade! 
Thanks and thanks for stopping by! 
Well, I just woke up in time to see the women's volleyball winners: USA!! I'm going to bed! Will see you all tomorrow!!!
and the Onion!!!!!
I really love the Onion, but don't go there often enough!
Number four... It's pretty true. So are most of the other ones!
Jim, you are WAY too sensible!! I don't know how you end up with a friend (me) that's not sensible at all!
That's pretty much what I thought... #12! Other drivers on the road don't always agree with me... 
Yes, it is!
When did children get to decide what's good for them(video)?The parents get to pay for the office visit.I say take it out of their allowance.
Laurie
In my next article... well, the one that's on now -- I have explained the Onion! And, if I had children, I WOULD take it out of their allowance!
Hi Dale! Are you feeling better?
Steve, you use such precise words!
Hi, AJ (I almost wrote Aaron)! I guess these are all things we think about!
Mary, things will work out. Take care!
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