I picked the infertility channel today...i like this, switching from one problem to another. Works well for me.

I am finding that I dont even want to talk about potential baby names or discuss anything that has to do with potential babies. I feel like it isnt going to happen, so I should just move on. I know, I know......like I said, now isnt the time anyway....but I still so badly want at least one more child. Working with first grade students isnt much help. I leave on Tuesday mornings wishing I had more children....guess I really must be loosing my mind!
If I managed by some miracle to conceive this month, I would find out on or just before my birthday. Cant think of a better gift, really. But I dont want to think of it at all, because I am so convinced it won't happen.

Negative. I know. But what else am I supposed to feel right now? Hopefull? That someday, when its Gods will, it will happen? What if it isnt in the plan? Why should I keep holding on to the possablity when there isnt one, or may not be one?

Things are starting to clear up a bit. Well, inside anyway. Outside is miserable as hell. But the eye of the weekends storm inside has passed this time around. Things are calmer. I only cried once yesterday I think. And not at all today. Went to bed to freakin early....8:30....what the hell is that?!
Shit...lights just flickered. Gonna go for now in case I loose power.

Comments:

you should not complain so much, There are some of us Like my wife and i that can not have kids so be thankful for the one you have/.